Monthly Archives: September 2013

Hot White Chick

It brings me much shame and embarrassment to admit that I read the trilogy, 50 Shades of Grey.  These books were downright horrible.  I loathed them.  I kept hoping and wishing they’d get better… that maybe the plot was going somewhere.  But no.  It continued to be horrible.  I’m the type of person that if I start a book, I must finish it.  Somehow I pushed myself through all three of these books and then felt like I had wasted precious time in my life that could have been better spent elsewhere.  Usually, when I’m this angry at a book when I finish it, I literally chuck it across the room in disgust.  Unfortunately, I was reading them on my friend’s Kindle so I couldn’t exert my anger on the device.

Fast forward a few months, and that same friend introduces me to this book: 50 Shades of Chicken.  It is HILARIOUS!! I highly recommend it to anyone who also felt their time and effort of reading 50 Shades of Grey was stripped away from them.  This book redeems some of the time lost reading the original trilogy because you would only understand the humor if you had suffered through the writing in the original three books.photo-11

The idea of this book is that Shifty Blades, the Chef, is going to make Chicken for dinner.  “No Chicken… I don’t MAKE dinner…. I cook. HARD.”  And there is a little blurb before each recipe that’s written so similarly to the original books in style that it’s hilarious.

To give you a sample of what you might find in this book, I’ve written my own 50 Shades of Chicken recipe complete with cooking innuendo.  A side note: I’ve talked before in previous blogs, Chicken Avocado Salad, about how poaching chicken is a great way to cook lean and keep it from drying out.  Here’s that process.

I’m suddenly awakened by a tight, firm grip around my breasts. “Where are we going?” I ask sleepily.  “I’ve got something special planned for you Miss Hen…” Shifty teases.  My skin is warming underneath his grip…he’s so devious sometimes. Two can play that game.  “What could possibly be more special than making dinner with me like you did last night?”  I retort.  “Today, I’m going to turn you into a Hot White Chick.”  I feel my skin flush with anger.  Turn me into a hot white chick? I’m not some art project.  My inner goddess is winding up to smack that smirk off his face with her wing. 

Shifty eases me into the hot boiling water.  The heat is so intense all around me, it’s suffocating.  I’ve sunk to the bottom of the pot, then I start feelingevery morsel of my being come alive.   The swirling water has my head spinning… I’ve lost track of time.  Suddenly, I’m floating at the top of the pot.  I catch my reflection in a nearby blade… OH MY!!!  I’m so white and lean and piping hot!!!  My inner goddess is striking poses left and right.  Stay calm.  Shifty eases me out of the pot to rest on a nearby cutting board.  I see the desire and hunger in his eyes.  Yes, he wants me. His HOT WHITE CHICK. I stretch out on the cutting board flexing my taut body….

I’m fully self-aware at how horrible of an attempt that was at fowl mockery.  You want the real thing… read the book.photo-12

Ingredients:
Chicken (pieces, whole chicken, whatever your preference may be)

Method: Bring large pot of liquid (broth, water, wine…anything) to a boil.  Ease in chicken (thighs, breasts, whole chicken).  Turn temperature down to low, just enough to where the liquid is slightly swirling.  Typically, once the chicken floats, it is cooked.

Cooking times may vary based on frozen or fresh and size of pieces.

Who is excited for the 50 Shades of Grey movie? HMMMM?? Not me.  However, maybe it will prompt me to make a chicken video blog in the future.

Enjoy!

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